Guilt is a complex and powerful emotion that can affect your life in many ways. It can hold you back from pursuing your dreams, expressing your true self, and living joyfully. However, guilt is not inevitable or permanent. You can break through guilt by challenging the myths that fuel it and taking action to transform your life. In this article, we will explore seven myths that can cause guilt and how to overcome them.
1. Expectations and Disappointment
Guilt often emerges when you find yourself juggling your expectations with those of others. It's like trying to steer a train in two directions simultaneously. When you prioritize others' expectations over your own, disappointment becomes inevitable. It feels like your dreams are derailing, and you're sacrificing your aspirations for the sake of others.
Action Item: Begin by creating a list of your own expectations and those imposed by others. Analyze the conflicts and initiate open conversations to find common ground and foster mutually beneficial outcomes. For example, if you are expected to follow a certain career path by your family, but you have a different passion, you can explain to them why your choice matters to you and how it aligns with your values and goals. You can also listen to their concerns and address them respectfully.
2. People Pleasing and Abandonment
People-pleasing often leads to self-abandonment. You feel compelled to please others at the cost of neglecting your inner knowing of what's best for you. This can create a chasm between your authentic self and the persona you project as a professional people-pleaser.
Action Item: Practice self-compassion and assertiveness. Learn to say no when necessary, and prioritize your well-being without guilt. For instance, if you are invited to a social event that you don't want to attend, you can politely decline without feeling guilty. You can also use the time to do something that nourishes your soul, such as reading or meditating.
3. Knowing and Owning Personal Beliefs and Values
During conflicts, you might suppress your own voice and values, fearing discord. This suppression can lead to guilt as you feel like you're betraying your true self. It's crucial to differentiate between your beliefs and others' expectations to maintain authenticity.
Action Item: Reflect on your core beliefs and values. Engage in open, respectful dialogues to express your perspectives and gain a better understanding of others'. For example, if you have a different political opinion than your friends, you can share it with them without being defensive or aggressive. You can also listen to their views with curiosity and empathy.
4. Manipulation and Fear of Loss
Fear of loss, whether it's relationships, status, or financial stability, can easily manipulate your decisions. You might compromise your authentic self to prevent these losses, resulting in guilt.
Action Item: Practice transparent communication. Express your feelings and needs clearly to reduce manipulation and fear-driven decisions. For instance, if you are unhappy with your job, but afraid of losing it, you can communicate with your boss or colleagues about what's bothering you and what changes you would like to see. You can also explore other options to better suit you.
5. Good Boy and Good Girl Syndrome
Society often teaches us that sacrificing our needs for others makes us better individuals. This "good boy" or "good girl" syndrome can lead to guilt as you prioritize others over yourself.
Action Item: Shift your focus towards self-awareness and self-care. Recognize that taking care of yourself is not
selfish but essential for your well-being.
For example, if you feel guilty for taking a break from work or family responsibilities, you can remind yourself that you are not a machine but a human being who needs rest and rejuvenation. You can also schedule some time for yourself every day to do something that makes you happy, such as listening to music, playing a game, or watching a movie.
6. Personal Authority vs. Capitulation
Guilt can arise from not asserting your personal authority. To break free, you must identify and claim your beliefs and values. This process involves dissecting your thoughts to distinguish between your authentic self and external influences.
Action Item: Regularly reflect on your values and assert your personal authority. Be selective in adopting beliefs, ensuring they align with your true self.
For example, if you feel guilty for not following a certain trend or norm, you can question its validity and relevance for you. You can also decide whether it serves your best interests.
7. Sovereignty, Freedom, and Liberation
Guilt often projects onto others, preventing you from recognizing your true sovereign and liberated self. You were born free from guilt, but societal conditioning can obscure this original self.
Action Item: Reclaim your personal accountability. Lead your life authentically and with honesty, promoting sovereignty, personal freedom, and joyful liberation.
For example, if you feel guilty for making a mistake or failing at something, you can acknowledge it without blaming yourself or others. You can also learn from it and move on with grace.
Guilt is not a life sentence. It is a signal that something needs to change in your life. By identifying and debunking the myths that cause guilt, you can free yourself from its grip and embrace your authentic self. You can also take action to align your life with your values, beliefs, and aspirations.